Have some free time? Don’t watch these movies

When you’ve taken a dip in the pool, run the sprinklers and you are still hot, work is not the answer. But sitting in a cool place, kicking up your feet and watching a movie, that’s a solution I can believe in. However, there is a problem. What movie do you watch? Well, here is a list of movies, I’d recommend you never watch.

“The Squid and the Whale.” This is a little independent film. This is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. I actually got mad at people in the theatre who laughed at the vulgar, dumb jokes. Basically, well, just don’t see it. It’s a bad movie. The plot, predictable. Let me tell you who likes this movie - little teenage hipsters trying to be cool and artsy.

The theatre was like a laugh track. It is the only movie in which I found myself irately yelling at the entire theatre audience, “honestly, you really found that funny? C’mon.” I swore off movies made on a budget of less than $20 million after this. That year I became a huge fan of the Die Hard movies.

“Dirty Dancing.” I watched this one in high school. All of my friends went on and on about how much they loved this movie, so I watched it. The movie is boring and ridiculous. I don’t remember too much of it now, and I don’t want to. A camp and dancing and Patrick Swayze and I think someone got pregnant. Whoever it was, I didn’t know and didn’t much care. I was upset I had sat through the entire movie.

“Deep Impact.” I saw this movie in the new theatre in town, which I was glad for. The new theatre had cushioned seats that rocked back and forth. That entertained me for the long, long, never-ending duration of the movie.

“Titanic.” I was not feeling this movie. Maybe it was because my friend made me get to the theatre five hours before the show actually began. I was bored before I even sat down. Then people were crying, and there was music, and Leonardo DiCaprio was supposed to be everybody’s dream. We all knew what was going to happen. I guess I preferred the documentaries.

“Bleacher Bums.” Now, my friend and I watched this movie because there wasn’t a baseball game on, and this was about baseball, Cubs baseball and we were in Chicago. We thought it appropriate. Well, just so happens, this film was a play adapted to a movie. I think it was shot on bleachers, just bleachers. Drab dialogue. I didn’t care. I don’t really like plays.

“Armageddon.” End of the world disaster flicks do nothing for me. Don’t get me wrong here, I am a huge Bruce Willis fan, but this movie dragged on. Either they’re going to save the world or they’re going to die.

“2001 Space Odyssey.” Saw this puppy in college. I’d heard about it, and my friend was a film major and still hadn’t seen it. We did finish this movie, but two-thirds was in fast motion. My goodness, another long movie supposedly filled with some strange meaning. The one good thing that came of it was a better understanding of “Simpsons” jokes.

Lindsey Bright is a reporter for the Sidney Herald. She can be reached at 406-433-2403 | reporter@sidneyherald.com